Nov 15, 2016

Los Angeles... none of us get anywhere alone.

Just back from LA and I need rest... and music. So thankful to meet with so many great people and re-instill my sense that there are a lot good people everywhere. I love seeing people support each other.

There was a night. Clouded and humid. So much like Houston. I was waiting in line for a show with my friends. 

They were on me about a song I hated. 

A song that always irked me from an artist that irked me even more. They wouldn't let go of it. Singing it. Talking about it. And the more I fought them the more they went at me.

And maybe it was school or maybe it was the week I was having or a recent girl, or the pollen count but,

I snapped, and over-reacted to something that meant nothing to me.

Something that means nothing.

For me that night began an unraveling. 

A slow process of an impossible task. Trying to remove bias from my listening.

I forced myself to listen to things I didn't like. Trying to understand them. And though I could never enjoy them as authentically as others, I did begin to see why they existed. And the music I hated had less to do about the songs themselves and more to do with me confronting my opposites. These were twisted reflections of the things I loved.

I had learned to hate music in order to help me enjoy it more. I had a reason to be so vicious and vigilant. So protective of my identity. That perspective gave me purpose in rigidity. And the more I had invested into my own opinions the more I fell into this trap. 

This isn't unique to me, or my love of music. We are raised to see everything in opposites. But this journey has shown me that looking for subjective truths through a lens of dichotomy can give no understanding at all. It only sharpens the bias. 

Music (like most things in life) isn't a collection of defined lines. It's grey areas, and shades, and blending, and evolving concepts. We can't always have an answer that is good for everyone in every situation.

And being aware of this human deficiency doesn't mean I am still not susceptible of falling into the same traps again and again. 

I still see my opposites as opposing, but when I go back to the ideas and try to place them as a mirror of my own biases, I don't see them with hate but instead with absurdity and laughter. 

I've spent too many days alone. Spent too much time hating. I have no room for that anymore. There are good people. Even some with bad ideas. And none of get anywhere alone.


Mind Break Mood: Nico - These Days

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