Showing posts with label SXSW. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SXSW. Show all posts

Apr 18, 2016

Importance?

As some of you may know I do a lot of different kinds of writing



fiction

blogs


And my poetry I just started to share on my Instagram. And I've gotten a great response. So I wanted to give a general thank you to everyone who has been awesome and joined me in this.

Poetry is something I've always kept close to my chest. Mostly because I have had so many negative or mildly negative response to sharing it in the past. But that's a story for another post, or to be self-referential that's a memory that will remain in the dark until later...

But the other day I was prepping a poem for Instagram. When I went through several really intense emotions while I was writing it.

I'm not sure why this poem is/was so different for me, but I found myself thinking this is something important. Not important in a Deceleration of Independence historical way. Or in a Origin of Species scientific discovery kind of way either, just in a personal journey moment.

I felt like I had summed up a big idea. And it was a complete giving. A full statement of itself.

Normally if I write a love song. It is not the end all statement of Love that I have. It is not a closed line. A definitive stamp on the subject. But this poem felt like a full expressed idea. 

Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow and come back to the subject with new eyes?... I mean of course I will... it must be something intrinsically human to retread ideas and to find new facets... see I even did it just now.

So I guess it is not stop the presses type of news. But it is a poem that, for now I feel proud of. I will post it in parts over the next few days... maybe but for now here it is in it's entirety. 

-rene

mood:














why do you care for flowers?


I was in an ivy-autumn cafe

when she read me and asked
-- "Why do you care so for Spring? And for flowers?"

A Fragile Thing. Of Porcelain. I wrote

But she rolled over me asking
-- "Why can't you write of blood?
Of the black and blue bruises of Children?
Of the dark red streets soaked in heartache?
Have you seen all the shades of appropriation?
Do you know the colors of isolation?
Like glass hung over us?
That colors us?
And our visions of
ghosts like walking
dreams from lives lost?
But flowers," she said,
"Why do you care so for flowers?"


Gone. A Fast.

For Five days my words gone.
Away from my Paris-were-Texas-Fever-Dreams.
Away from hills. And meadows. And God-Damn Flowers.
She had asked, "Writer -- what good is a word if it doesn't speak for children? How honest can you be when you've never known an honest thing like hunger?"

Apr 8, 2016

Week 2 The Wheel Of Perpetual Turning

Yesterday. 

The morning was colder than I expected. Not enough blankets. The air was crisp like winter and my back and shoulder were wrapped up to each other for warmth. 

I checked my phone.

My alarm hadn't rung yet. 15 minutes early.

"I could still be sleeping... ugh." 

I rolled up a blanket to my shoulder, but it was too late. I was awake. 

Mirror.

Too early for you.

Mirror.

Too early for myself.

My eyes don't keep open long enough to really look anyway. 

I washed myself in the cold sink waiting for the heat to come, but what can I do... it's a slow morning.

Somehow I had routine-d my way to therapy across town. 

Hygiene. Clothing. Traffic. Parking.

There was a pretty young woman doing squats at the wall. There was a fifty something man, with his butt in the air working out his spine on a massage table, there was a young golfer in his twenties working out his wrist, and me at the wheel of perpetual turning. 

And we all had the same face of morning grimace. 

Mirror-less. 

There is little interaction between the patience here. Every now and then a quiet conversation. A polite excuse me as someone sneaks past another. But not much more than that. 

Turning my wheel. 

Listening to the grind of metal wondering, 'Am I allowed to have headphones?' They have Top 40 playing on a little computer in the corner so it's not dead silence. 'But if I'm gonna be here for an hour plus... it would be nice to disappear into headphones. While I turn.'

Turning. This wheel.

Things are starting to loosen up. My body isn't locked into itself anymore. And I'm actually feeling better.

And I start to wonder what a strange creature we are. Who are we that can sit in rooms and turn wheels and improve our state of living?

No other animal could be so silly as to think of this. But no other creature can heal like this.

5 mins forward. 5 mins back. Don't worry about lunch till I'm out the door. And headphones. 

No other being on this planet is crazy enough to have these thoughts while they are in pain.

Turning this wheel. 

And now writing.

This wheel.

Moving.

On.

-rene

ps. as always like, share, subscribe and if you want to talk you can reach me on this blog, youtubefacebook and twitter.


mood:




Apr 1, 2016

Therapy Week 1

'Try.'

It's what I've been telling myself. Sitting in a chair in the middle of a therapy center with five other patients beside me. Varying ages. Varying problems. This one has a hurt back. That one is working on her legs. Standing against the wall stretching is a women with a shoulder injury and her husband, sits by her side, watching the other patients as he waits.

The two therapists are at a computer station, typing out something. Maybe paperwork. Before they make another round to check on our progress. 

Breath.

Count.

Try.

Stretching my neck left. Hold five seconds. Stretch it right. I can feel something in my shoulder clicking and the sound radiates through my neck and into my ear. And it is horrible and loud. The pain is quick like getting a shot, and leaves as soon as I bring my head back to center, but the sound stays with me.

Breath.

Count.

Try.

I give it a moment. Before I do another set of 15. The old lady and her husband move to a machine that is kind of like a stationary bike except you pedal with your hands. Churning the handles in circles. Moving out the shoulders. It makes a whirring noise as she goes. The sound of resistance inside the machine. Turning. Turning. Fighting. Turning.

The husband is quiet. His lips shut tight. And his eyes dart back and forth across the room behind his glasses. She laughs, "It's hard to go backwards."

And he snaps awake for a moment, and whispers to her. Reaching his hand out to her. She laughs again. "No Daniel," she laughs to him and takes a moment to breath with her eyes closed.

"Keep at it," he whispers.

Her eyes shut tighter, "I can't. I can't." Her voice is quick and snappy. 

He whispers again but I couldn't hear it.

She takes a breath, and puts her hands back on the machine. And lets out three quick, Agh's.

I move my head left. Then right. Waiting for that cracking noise to pull through my shoulder. 

Breath.

Count.

Try.

'Lucky,' I thought, 'It could be worse.' And start moving out my shoulders in circles. 15 forward. 15 back. 3 times. 'It could be permanent...'

My therapist comes by to check me out. How am I doing? How does it feel?

"The same." I answered. 

And he nods. 

'Is it supposed to feel different? There is no way I could feel better this soon?'

He explains that the grinding, clicking noise is the sound of the muscles loosening up. That my body was in defense mode. And it is calming down. Eventually it will relax again and go back.

And that is comforting... for a bit. Till that crack rips across me again. That sharp pain. That ringing sound. A reminder. This happened. I'll try to heal it. But I can't reverse it. This happened.

The old lady begins at her machine again. And her husband closes his eyes.

Breath.

Count.

Try.

'It is hard to backwards.'



-rene

ps. as always like, share, subscribe and if you want to talk you can reach me on this blog, youtubefacebook and twitter



mood:

les noces de pierrette pablo picasso



Mar 24, 2016

One Day At A Time.

I don't have a lot of words today...

Just got out of an appointment to meet my physical therapist. To catch you up, I had an injury during SXSW last week. Shoulder and left hand feel busted. And the impact is radiating down through my back and legs. I don't know how much I feel like talking about it yet. Something's take time to digest. I'm not the kind of guy to just react quickly.

I think I'll be digesting this for a while.

My body takes time to heal.

My mind takes time to absorb.

My words are slow to form. 

I'm also a little bit tired of explaining what happened. It's one of those things that people don't understand the terminology and so they can't understand what I'm going through. Or it least it feels that way. 

I say I was hit by a lighting rig, and they look at me like what is that. So I describe it to them. 

More questions. 

More details. 

Then they ask me about being in a band. Am I famous. Etc. 

I feel like I'm talking more than I need to. And all I think about is this constant pain. 

Morning. Day. Night.

This pain is with me. 


Morning. Day. Night.

I'm reminded.

Morning. Day. Night.

I have realized one thing. I'm still getting used to asking for help. I don't know what I'd be doing if it wasn't for Rachel. Convincing me I need help. I've always done things on my own. And after all the years of her helping, I thought I'd be better at accepting it, but like I said I'm slow to accept. Slow to absorb. Slow at understanding.

I have some shows planned in the near future that are now in question. I'll be doing my videos. This blog. Poetry. Do my therapy. One day at a time. Breathing helps. And heat.


All that and listening to Wilco.

One day at a time.

-rene

ps. as always like, share, subscribe and if you want to talk you can reach me on this blog, youtubefacebook and twitter



Mar 10, 2016

Refresher, Things To Be Done...

Last weekend was the best weekend. When I actually took some time for myself, put down the work for a little bit, still did some but hey, my life is always a changing process, hung out with my wife and son, and got to recharge. 

I think I had been too involved in working, but that just means I need to recenter. Every day was turning out to be exactly like the day before, and I needed to make a conscious effort to be awake. To be aware. It is never ending. Maybe I need to get back to a regular meditative practice....

Anyway The Weekend Playlist has been a blast, the studio is going so smoothly, 2 new songs mixed, and my poetry has been doing really well on Instagram. So happy that my words are being read! Can't tell you how long I've wanted to share things and I love all the positivity. Big thanks to Whosthatgirl2013 and Poetry4real for the kindness.

I'll be gearing up for SXSW. Practice. Practice. Weekend Playlist. Practice. 

Putting some Idyll Green shows on the touring book, that's right I'm talking shows soon...

Launching our podcast Why Didn't I Write That? in the next few weeks.

And for sure, I'll try to spend another evening with my boy watching the bats fly out from the lake. Happiest moment in a long time. 

Also try to write a new poem? I don't know

-rene

check out a little bit of what my music is here too:







ps. as always like, share, subscribe and if you want to talk you can reach me on this blog, youtubefacebook and twitter