I think that is what is in my head right now.
When I fight and try to get things going. And the world get's in my face and slowsssss me down to a crawl.
I think that was going through my head on I-10 in the beautiful Texas 97 degree heat. Where it get's so bright it's hard to keep my eyes open. That bugs me more than the actual heat feeling. When I had to stop work for the fifth time today to drive in traffic and my phone is buzzing with emails I can't answer and deadlines I'm missing and a growing list of things I wanted to do but can't.
Between me and the computer
Or me and home
Or me and the idea
Or the idea and the tangible accomplishment
I was thinking I want the full story. Every detail. To jump to the end and say there it was. Sometimes I build on the chapter, sometimes the page, sometimes the paragraph, mostly it is sentence by sentence... but some days it's a struggle to think of a word.
I dream this vivid, complex, full story. A big picture. But how to find the right word to start it? That can be hard, cause at every moment there are all these small intrusions of life. Butting in and making turns and making changes.
And they are bad things, or anybody's fault... they just happen. It doesn't make it less frustrating, just nobodies fault.
Just a rant. For all the self-actualizing dreamers out there. I know you feel it too.
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